We always make it a priority to hit up Jackalope Ranch. Not for the food. Not for the drinks. Not for anything that one would usually go to a restaurant for. We hit it up because the grounds there are GORGEOUS! It's just impossible to pass up.
These boys are my everything. It is so interesting how having them in my life has changed me forever. I want them to experience things. I want them to see the world and all it has to offer. The little things. The big things. The focus is no longer on me...it's on them. It doesn't matter that I waited an hour in line at Disneyland to go on a ride. I don't care about the ride, I care about seeing Jackson experience the ride. I don't want a chocolate covered ice cream cone, I want to see Sawyer's face covered in a mess and a smile. They are on my mind. Any joyful experience I have in life I can't help but wonder how they would feel having the same experience. They are always on my mind. Are they happy? Are they clean? Are they experiencing life to it's fullest? Are they being adventurous enough? Safe enough? Do they feel the love? Do they know how lucky they are to have each other? Do they enjoy their lives? Do they know how special they are and how their faces make my whole heart open up and swallow them whole?
I am not a perfect mother. I am never going to be perfect. But - to them - I'm 'Mama'. When Jackson falls out of bed in the night, it's 'MAMA' I hear and my magic kisses he wants. When Sawyer feels threatened or scared, it's my leg he finds and crawls up. I love it - this thing called motherhood. It's hard and it's all-consuming. It's what has made me who I am today and in return who they will be tomorrow. It's a little piece of magic in a world that can seem so crazy and unpredictable. A bit of safe. A bit of heaven. Our heaven.
I was just looking at those sweet faces and reflecting on Mother's Day. I have been with the boys for the past three weeks mostly without Trevor as he's been working. It's been hard. But, I am lucky. These boys are special. I know that when Dada comes home tomorrow they will be consumed by his fun, his love, his cuddles, his amazing skills at being a father. But, I will still be 'Mama'. Together, we make a pretty good team! I couldn't ask for much more.
Your post made me sad.
ReplyDeleteWords can not be put on paper to describe how important or loved you are to us. The endless effort of selfless acts are not always recognized. You do more as a wife or a mother than we realize or others realize. Who else out there would be doing a blog post at 10 pm not just for me to see but the whole world. This is not the first time and I imagine it won't be the last.
4 years later and thousands upon thousands of people all over the globe have taken a brief moment to read about our lives. They rarely see the woman on the other side of the camera or describe how much she enjoyed the moment. So say that we aren't blessed would be a lie. I am thankful for my family and all that we have.
I'll be the first to say thank you. Hopefully I won't be the only one.
XOXOXOXOXO